The Palestinian Israeli conflict has been going on for a hundred years now with no end in sight. So I think it's time that we think "outside the box" on this one.

I have a modest proposal, based upon a very simple but compelling premise:

The best compromise is when neither party is happy.

So based on that premise, here’s the plan:

1. Move both the Palestinians and the Israelis to some godforsaken part of the world with plenty of space. Like, say, the Australian outback.

2. Turn present day Israel/Palestine into a toxic nuclear waste dump so that nobody has any incentive to return and fight for control ever again.

3. Everybody's miserable. but they can rebuild their lives together wrestling crocs, shaggin' Roos, and drinking Fosters.

4. If the Australians complain, just continue to expand the "settlements" on their land until they're boxed in like the Palestinians today. Since they are relatively godless, nobody will care, apart from maybe the atheist lobby (i.e. Christopher Hitchens). Also, given Australia's triple crimes of Silver Chair, Yahoo Serious, and Neighbors, they've really had it coming for a while.

Have I offended enough people yet?


  1. Anonymous on 3 February 2009 at 19:23

    I think you need to make a few remarks about the aborigines specifically to get the kind of offense level you're looking for.

  2. Anonymous on 10 February 2009 at 09:52

    Perhaps if you were to suggest using the Aboriginal women in making human-cheese to help feed the newcomers?