I always heard that the neocons over at commentary were crazy, but I didn't realize how much. Apparently now would be a great time to secure or destroy Pakistan's nukes!

The argument has two prongs

1. Securing Pakistan's nukes would help India, which is a good thing because India is not muslim and is not China.

2. It would also scare Iran, making them more likely to give up on their nuclear program.
Obviously this argument is insane, we should be attacking India instead!

1) Attacking India would not only scare the crap out of Iran, but China as well. Especially since it's entirely unprovoked. People would start to think of the USA like one of those drunken soccer hooligans who break car windows for no reason and give you a "Manchester Kiss" (a head-but) if you look them in the eye.

2) Commentary claims that by securing Pakistan's nukes, we would make it much harder for Kashmiri terrorists to create a safe haven in Pakistan. Again, this argument is complete nonsense. If we remove their safehaven in Pakistan, they'll simply run off to Kashmir and then we're left looking like morons. But, if we take over Kashmir, they can't just run away, because we hold the territory that they want to liberate. So we can set a trap for them, like in Iraq, and they'll all coming running to their deaths. I suggest a pit trap with spikes in it. I know there's a lobby out there pushing for acid traps instead, but that's just prohibitively expensive. We're going to need two, maybe three of these traps to catch all the terrorists; that's a lot of acid!


  1. Jon on 6 May 2009 at 16:00

    Are you totally nuts!? We should just give out 50 nukes, via lottery, to American extremists; outfitted with devices to ensure they can only be detonated outside the country! Any country that dares challenge the notion of American hegemony and patriotism then has our crazy friends to worry about...

  2. Reggie on 11 May 2009 at 02:59

    I think it would be better to send in a Navy SEAL team to take over Kashmir in SECRET -- covertly invading the country, secretly taking over the government, subtly running things for over a year, posing as moderate Indian politicians who want to make peace with the Pakistanis and who also just happen to wear night-vision goggles. Then, they say they want to hand over Kashmir to Pakistan, set up a top-level meeting and when the Kashmiri Taliban/Pakistani ISS guys show up what do they find? Only a gigantic nuke with 7 seconds left on the clock. Actually, i think this would make for a pretty good 24 -- with the timeframe extended to 12 months. Time to see what happens when Jack Bauer isn't trying to fend off an ingenious attack, but launching one. He's beginning to look like a bit of a wuss, being on D all the time.